The margin I expected to have this year, which would allow me some time to write in this space, disappeared when it became clear I would need to return to homeschooling one of my kids. Although I have no proclivity towards educating, I don’t necessarily mind homeschooling (it would be, I think, more fun with a student who was a little more enthusiastic about home education, and education in general; but maybe I’m just delusional, because I know from Facebook groups that my kid is far from the only with this attitude). Although we’ve been folding lessons in amongst everything else we already had going on, it does add up to a not inconsequential amount of my time: at least an hour or so of prep work each week, as well as the time we’re doing work together. It also means I have effectively zero child-free hours during the week.
And then, my dad passed away, unexpectedly, on February 15.
Our relationship was complicated, and that was true in his death, too. There were circumstances surrounding his death that gave me pause in being online, and what I chose to share publicly.
But also, the memoir project I had started sharing was heavily centered on my relationship with my dad. How could I continue to write it when everything had shifted? I was writing from the perspective of someone whose father was very much alive, if not estranged. And now my dad is dead. How does that change things? I have not processed the event enough to tell you.
Since my dad’s death, I’ve also been dealing with a string of health issues that range from mildly annoying (a strained back) to a major pain (an abscess with multiple trips to the ER).
So, here we are. It’s hard to believe we’re in mid-March and I’m seriously reevaluating my plans for the year; 2024 just hasn’t been what I hoped it would be. I feel like all I ever do is get out a few posts here, then have to take a step back for various reasons. I don’t know what the answer is, but I appreciate you continuing to read my words.
See you soon (I hope).
I am so sorry to hear that things have been so unbelievably hard. The loss of a parent is complex, so big. I am sending you lots of love, and healing energy for your health. xo
My condolences on your dad's passing. I also had a strained relationship with my dad & when he passed in 2020, I wasn't sure how to feel. Grieving didn't feel right but isn't that the expected emotion when a family member or loved one dies? It took me almost 2 years to fully digest all of my thoughts/feelings & actually forgive him for not being the dad I needed. And coming to that realization was a major weight off of my shoulders. As a side note, I have home schooled both of my kids their whole lives & fully understand the lack of "mommy" time. My heart goes out to you during this hard season.